It's Friday . . . but Sunday's Coming!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YByT6wfdhJs


It’s Friday…But Sunday is a Comin’

“It’s Friday. Jesus is praying. Peter’s a sleeping. Judas is betraying.

But Sunday’s comin’.

It’s Friday. Pilate’s struggling. The council is conspiring. The crowd is vilifying. They don’t even know that Sunday’s comin’.

It’s Friday. The disciples are running like sheep without a shepherd. Mary’s crying. Peter is denying. But they don’t know that Sunday’s a comin’.

It’s Friday. The Romans beat my Jesus. They robe Him in scarlet. They crown Him with thorns. But they don’t know that Sunday’s comin’.

It’s Friday. See Jesus walking to Calvary. His blood dripping. His body stumbling. And his spirit’s burdened. But you see, it’s only Friday.

Sunday’s comin’.

It’s Friday. The world’s winning. People are sinning. And evil’s grinning.

It’s Friday. The soldiers nail my Savior’s hands to the cross. They nail my Savior’s feet to the cross. And then they raise him up next to criminals.

It’s Friday. But let me tell you something: Sunday’s comin’.

It’s Friday. The disciples are questioning. What has happened to their King. And the Pharisees are celebrating that their scheming has been achieved. But they don’t know: It’s only Friday. Sunday’s comin’.

It’s Friday. He’s hanging on the cross feeling forsaken by His Father. Left alone and dying. Can nobody save Him? Oooh, it’s Friday. But Sunday’s comin’.

It’s Friday. The earth trembles. The sky grows dark. My King yields his spirit.

It’s Friday. Hope is lost. Death has won. Sin has conquered. And Satan’s just a laughing.

It’s Friday. Jesus is buried. A soldier stands guard. And a rock is rolled into place.

But it’s Friday. It is only Friday.

Sunday is a comin’.

Parenting Paths ~ More Questions Than Answers

Do you ever have more questions than answers?  More doubts than confidence?  I have found myself in one of those places.  And not about little things like should I have the living room arranged this way or should I change this recipe.  No, my questions and doubts are about my sacred job of raising my children.  I am questioning our discipline, homeschooling, priorities, everything.  I laid in bed last night talking to my husband (my ever loving and encouraging husband), and I told him that I had no wisdom.  I had no more ideas.  What do you do when you come to the end of yourself?  I know the "correct" answer to that is "Look to God!"  He has the answers.  I know that, I do.  I have sought His face day in and day out.  I have sought the advice of godly people.  I have searched the Scriptures.  I have prayed, I have fasted, yet I still have this tremendous fear that I am losing my children.  And I don't know how to stop it.  Is there any worse fear than that?
This isn't about a fear of failing.  This is way beyond being superficial.  This is about the fear of watching my children choose to walk away from the Lord.  Or settle for 2nd, 3rd, or 4th best.  I want my children to have this passionate, joyful, faith-filled walk with the Lord.  Wherever that may lead them.  If they grow to have families or if God calls them to stay single.  Whether that is working a mile down the road on the family farm, or moving around the world to serve as missionaries.  Whatever God's best for them is what I want.  But what if they reject it?
Now, I want to clarify that my kids are "good" kids.  Most people would look at them and think that they were going to "turn out" great.  They are loving, kind, sweet, funny, helpful children.  For the most part.  But there are days that I see a much different side to them.  There are days that I wonder if these are the same children.  Yesterday was one of those days.
Things always seem worse when they return from their biological father's home.  They have no real rules, no responsibilities and no limitations.  I will give a brief example of this from this last weekend's account.  Friday they didn't go to bed until midnight (at home it is 8:30 or 9:00 depending on when we get devos done) and Saturday it was 10pm.  They eat macaroni and cheese, pizza, Lucky Charms and peanut butter and jelly.  They watched 5 movies (only one of which I would allow in my home), played video games, played on the computer (unsupervised) and just played in general.  They did not brush their teeth once the entire weekend.  My daughter never changed her clothes.  She came home Sunday in what she was wearing Friday when she was picked up.  My son was never given his prescription medication.  They snacked on skittles and jello cups.  They picked on each other and were generally mean to each other.  They tattle on each other that neither one of them obeys my ex-husband or his wife.  But they tell me all about the video games that are over there (we don't have any) and the new toys and the fun shopping trips.  They come home and they are grouchy with each other and my husband and I (I blame some of this on the basic lack of sleep).  My son was horribly disrespectful to me yesterday.  They disobey, they yell and scream and even hit each other.  As thrilled as I am that they are home again, those days prove to be some of my weariest days.  And I hate that!  I want them to be welcomed into a home filled with joy and enthusiasm and for the rest of the day to be enjoyed together catching up.  Instead, they are welcomed warmly, but usually within half an hour I am having to correct behavior or play referee.
People have told me to simply talk to my ex-husband and wife.  We have.  Several times.  Nothing changes.  Some have told me to report them to Children's Services.  As far as Children's Services is concerned, my children are being well provided for in that home.  They are not being brutally abused, starved or neglected.  There are much more pressing cases.  So I am left with the aftermath.
We pray.  We absolutely bathe them in prayer while they are gone.  God can protect far beyond a mother's reach.  I understand that.  I cling to that.  I also understand that these are the consequences of a broken home.  I am not so foolish to believe that when sin creeps in it does not create chaos and pain even for those who are innocent.  God never promised to put His children in a bubble.  What I don't understand, is how on earth we combat this.  I do not have the privilege of making all the decisions regarding my children's care.  Every other weekend (or so), I turn all my rights, responsibilities, hopes, dreams, everything over to someone else to do as they see fit. My hands are tied and I have to patiently wait to see what stories I am told when they return.  I cannot fret myself with worry (I try to keep as busy as possible while they are away to help prevent this!).  I cannot follow after them and monitor every move.  I simply pray.  A lot.  And then I wait.  I always seem to be optimistic that when they return they will have not only had a good time, but that they will have had proper hygiene and nutrition, that they had not been exposed to inappropriate material via the TV or computer and that they will have been loving, kind and obedient and little examples of Christ while they were there.  That is my hope each time I see them pull into the drive.  Within the hour (sometimes within a few minutes), my hopes come crashing down and shatter into a thousand pieces.
So what am I to do?  I just keep plugging away, trying to do what is best, but what if my best isn't good enough?  I feel such a strong pull on my children's hearts.  Each week that goes by I feel as though they are slipping a little bit more from my grasp.  I try to be wise.  I try to be patient.  I try to be what I think God wants me to be.  But I fail.  Often.  Too often.  I grow weary.  I doubt.  I question.  I fret.  And none of that helps my children.
So, I write.  I share the struggles that we are going through all the while knowing that there will be those out there that shake their heads in disgust.  There will be those that have perfect children and they will only see the many, many mistakes I have made and they will thank the Lord that they are not me.  But to put up a blog filled with all the wonderful things about my little life and family without giving a glimpse of the real life struggles is borderline deceitful.  And, quite frankly, I am selfishly coveting prayers from anywhere I can get them.  So please, even if you are shaking your head in disgust, take a moment to pray for our little family.  Pray for the hearts and souls of my children.  Pray that my husband and I will have wisdom from the Lord as we desperately seek to do what is best.  Pray that God will direct us even today as we make decisions, both great and small.  Simply pray.  And when you are done praying for us (thank you), remember to pray for all those other families around you that may be going through some seriously tough struggles of their own.
Parenting is a tremendously high calling that can take you to both heights and depths unimaginable.  I am so thankful to have the only Perfect Parent available to me.  May He make our path clear and forgive my mistakes.

Learning to Trust ~ Michael's hospital stay

It's been a week!  On Tuesday my son was playing in the back yard and accidentally stepped on a nail.  The rather rusty old nail went straight through his shoe and into his foot.  It bled quite a bit, but it eventually did stop.  I called his pediatrician and she advised me as to how to clean it out and she called in an antibiotic for him.  We started him on the antibiotic that night.  I thought it was pretty much a done deal.

Wednesday morning when he got up his foot was red and swollen.  He was complaining that the top of his foot was hurting.  I began to wonder if he had possibly broken a bone or sprained his foot when he stepped on the nail.  I called the pediatrician again and she recommended that we ice it and keep an eye on it.  She said that the antibiotic can take 24 hours to work and that there might be an infection brewing.  She said that I could bring Michael in to have her look at it, but I thought it would be better to wait and see how things went.

By Wednesday evening there had been no improvement and he couldn't walk on it at all.  I called a friend of ours that is a nurse and she told me to soak his foot in epsom salt and warm water.  We did that and it did temporarily relieve some of his pain.  I was encouraged that maybe Michael was on the mend.

Thursday morning when he got up there was still no improvement.  I knew right then that he had to be seen by a doctor.  I called our pediatrician and we were able to get in right after lunch.  The pediatrician came in and took one look at his foot and said that she was admitting him.  I was stunned.  I will say at this point that I love our pediatrician.  She was very matter-of-fact, but in a very calming way.  She gave me the information that I needed and stressed the importance of the situation, but in a very relaxed manner.  It wasn't until later that I realized how serious this all was.

Thankfully the hospital was only 4 miles away from her office.  We got to the hospital and got him registered.  He didn't exactly understand everything that was going on, but we thought that he would be in the hospital for one night and then he would go home.  We got him up to his room and somewhat settled in.  I was trying to make phone calls and take care of everything I could from the hospital.

Within an hour of our arrival he spiked a fever.  The doctor there at the hospital also discovered that he had a rash going all the way up his legs and on his stomach.  We eventually figured out that the rash was an allergic reaction to the first antibiotic he was on.  The fever was due to the infection beginning to spread.

At this point, I started to figure out how serious this all was.  The pediatrician was very honest with me about what we were looking at.  He quickly learned what the bacteria was that caused the infection.  It was pseudomonas.  Pseudomonas likes to hang out in the rubber of shoes.  Which typically isn't a problem.  But when a nail pierces the rubber and picks up a bunch of that bacteria and the punctures the foot and thrust all that nasty bacteria into the body, it becomes a big problem.  Pseudomonas is highly resistant to most antibiotics.  That is why the first antibiotic didn't do a thing to help.  Michael would have to go on two different very powerful antibiotics through an IV to combat the infection.  The doctor warned me that there could be other complications.

Then a podiatrist came in to see him.  She was such a dear lady.  She looked at his foot and ordered an x-ray and an MRI.  The x-ray was to check and see if the nail had broken the bone or possibly chipped the bone.  If the bone had been broken or chipped, there was a good chance that the infection had gotten into his bone.  If that was the case, it could become a chronic condition that Michael would have to deal with the rest of his life.  Not something that a mother wants to hear.  The MRI was ordered to check for any fluid/pus build up and to make sure that a piece of the rusty nail had not broken off in his foot.  If either of those things had happened, Michael would need to have surgery.  Due to the amount of swelling, the podiatrist seemed to think that she would have to do surgery just to drain the fluid.

During this whole time, Michael was such a champ.  He was nervous, but brave.  By the time we got down to the MRI it was 9:00pm.  We were told the MRI would take about an hour because the doctor wanted a contrast and non-contrast MRI.  This is when things started to get hard.  Michael was getting very tired.  He had already been through a lot.  A new tetanus shot, blood drawn, getting the IV started, the antibiotics being pumped into him burned a bit, getting an x-ray and all the information he was learning about what all was wrong.  Then they put him in this MRI machine and tell him he can't move while he goes into this tube and this machine makes all these crazy loud noises.  They gave him headphones to listen to music and they allowed me to stay in the room with him (with earplugs).  As he was laying there, I saw the tears start to well up in his eyes.  This was by far the hardest part of this journey.  He was in pain (they had to pretty much strap his poor, swollen foot down), he couldn't move, he was exhausted and scared and he couldn't communicate with me.  Between the noise of the machine and my earplugs and his headphones, there was no way we could talk to each other.  I kissed his forehead and gently rubbed his head.  I wiped away the couple of tears that slipped down his cheek.  I tried so hard to keep the smile on my face and to let him know that I was there.  Even now as I write this, the tears well up in my eyes.  Not being able to ease his pain or fears or even give him some words of encouragement was so very hard.

We finished with the MRI and headed back to his room.  It was after 10:00pm at this point.  The nurses got a bed set up for me in Michael's room and we tried to get some sleep.  Michael was horribly uncomfortable and his foot was still in pain.  The wonderful nurses did all they could to help him.  The antibiotic burned and stung as it went in so it was very hard for Michael to sleep.  He finally did get to sleep around midnight.  I fell asleep somewhere between 12:30 and 1:00am I am guessing.  The nurses had to come in every couple of hours to change out his IV and antibiotics and check on his foot.  Between that and Michael's very restless sleep, I hardly slept that night.

When morning did come, we started to see some improvement in Michael's foot.  The swelling was still there, but some of the redness was fading.  We also received word that there was no bone damage and that the MRI was clear.  His lab work also came back and it was good as well.  This was all very encouraging.  No surgery needed and the infection had not gotten into the bone yet!  I was anticipating that we would be released in a couple hours.  However, when the podiatrist came in that morning, she made it very clear that she was not comfortable sending Michael home yet.  The hospital pediatrician came in later and expressed the same thought.  They wanted Michael to stay another night and continue the antibiotic.

By this time I was beginning to really miss the rest of my family.  Although I had called and talked to my daughter a couple times, she was having a hard time being without me.  That made it harder on me to be there.  Not to mention how much I was missing my husband.  I wanted to see him so very badly.  I had not seen him since Thursday at lunch.  Since we were going to be staying another night, we made arrangements for my husband, daughter and my parents to come up that evening to visit.  I was so grateful for that visit.  My husband and I were able to go to the cafeteria to get some dinner and just talk for a little bit.  It was so encouraging to Michael to be able to see everyone as well, especially his little sister.  Soon enough the two of them were laughing together and I know that it really lifted Michael's spirits.

Michael continued to improve little by little.  We were told that we would be able to go home Saturday.  I thought we were in the clear.  Saturday morning came and I started getting instructions about what needed to be done at home.  They had mentioned to me before about the type of antibiotics that Michael would need to be on, but it wasn't until that morning that I got the full grasp of it.  The only antibiotics that would combat this infection were very powerful.  They also carried some risk.  Especially for a child.  One of the antibiotics was typically not even given to children.  It could stunt a growing child's growth.  It could also mess up the joints of the child as well.  Not your typical side effects.  I had two different doctors come in and talk to me at great length about the possible complications.  I felt like I had to decide to poison my child in order to get him well. It was made clear though, that any other antibiotic would not be strong enough to kill the infection.  The infection would then continue to spread and we could be back to square one, but worse.  It could get into his bones and he might need surgery.  Ugh.  I agreed to the antibiotic regimen that they doctors were recommending.  Then one of the nurses there spent over an hour trying to find a pharmacy that carried this antibiotic and that would agree to fill it for a child (what does that tell you when the pharmacist doesn't even want to fill the Rx?).

We were finally discharged from the hospital and on our way home.  I picked up the prescriptions for Michael and we began the 10 day regimen.  The one antibiotic has to be taken every 8 hours.  Based on the schedule that Michael had in the hospital, that means I have to get him up in the middle of the night to give him his medicine.  While waiting for Michael to finish his first dose of medicine at home, I started reading all the information given to us about these antibiotics.  It was a bit nerve wracking.  I have never read so many warnings about medications.

Through this there have been two very prominent thoughts in my mind.  The first is regarding families that deal with so much worse than a bacterial infection and a couple of nights in the hospital.  Families that have children with chronic illnesses or injuries that are so much more severe.  I was acutely aware of how blessed I was to be in the hospital for a very temporary stay.  I was also acutely aware of the little things that I can take for granted.  One thing that was very hard for Michael was that he was pretty much bed bound.  Anyone that knows my son knows that he is a kid that is always on the go.  When he finally was given permission to go for a "walk" in his wheelchair, he was only allowed to go on his floor.  No going down the elevator and getting some fresh air outside or even just perusing the hospital.  We made so many laps around that floor and we stopped at every window so he could see a different view from his room.  In the floor lounge, there were great big windows and for a moment the sun was shining brightly through them.  I was able to position Michael so that the sun shone on his face.  That gave me such joy for my little boy to feel the warmth of the sun.  He sat there for several minutes just soaking it up.  I can't imagine those that are stuck in the hospital for weeks or even months.

Another little thing that I missed was just being able to take a "proper" shower.  I was so grateful to take any shower at all and for the toiletries that the nursing staff provided for me.  However, there is nothing quite like taking a lukewarm shower and trying to wash my hair with "hand and body soap".  :-/  I am thinking that we will add this to our RACK list or for one of our Birthday Project ideas.  What a simple joy we could bring to a family that has found themselves unexpectedly staying at the hospital by making up little travel size toiletry gifts with "real" shampoo, soap, conditioner, deodorant and so on.  The staff there also had tons of movies for kids to watch in their rooms, but what about coloring books and crayons?  Or books that they could read or from which they could be read to?  I understand that they have to be very cautious about transferring germs (they have to sanitize the movies before they can go back on the shelf) so keeping books and crayons on hand is simply not practical.  But they could be given as gifts just to keep.  We were so blessed that someone had donated a new Jenga game that the staff just gave us.  Michael was thrilled to have something different to do and it was his to keep!  What a blessing!

The other thought that kept going over in my head through all of this was simply to trust God.  Again, we have gone through nothing like other families have and I don't want to even compare our situation to others.  But there was definitely something God was teaching me through this.  I am a girl that tends to worry.  A lot.  About everything.  All the time.  Seriously.  It's bad.  So dealing with this hospital stay has tempted me to push my worry into overdrive.  Especially regarding the medications Michael is now on.  However, I have been reading "Trusting God" by Jerry Bridges.  It's not an easy book to read, but very needed.  Through all of this with my son, God has soothed my heart and reassured me that He is in control.  So what if my son is 3 inches shorter than he would have been if he had not taken this medication?  What if he does face joint deterioration or rupture?  What if this does cause all sorts of serious complications for his liver?  Will any of that catch God by surprise?  Not at all.  When I was trying to make the decision about the antibiotic regimen that the doctors wanted to put Michael on, I could feel the anxiety begin to rise within me.  Then I remembered (through the Holy Spirit) that God was in control.  That this wasn't about me holding my son's future in my hands.  God is holding Michael's future.  God knows exactly how tall my son will be as an adult, regardless of medication.  God is the one that sustains Michael's little body and is intricately involved in every little cell of his being.  If God wanted to allow one (or more) of Michael's joints to rupture, it would happen, with or without these antibiotics.  All of this is completely and fully in God's ever capable hands.  It is foolish of me to think that I in anyway can alter God's plans for Michael's future.  God saw to it that we got to the hospital at the exact time needed.  Right as the allergic reaction began and Michael's fever spiked.  That was no accident.  All of this is by His design.

So, I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future.  I will seek God's face and try to make wise decisions for my children, but ultimately, God is in control.  I will give Michael these medications without fear or guilt, because I know that God is bigger than any warning label.  I know that I can trust Him more than any physician and more than myself.  That is my little lesson learned for this week.  And it is one I am sure I will continue to learn for many years to come.

Refocus

I am not content.  I am not satisfied.  I want more.  I realized a couple nights ago, that I am not happy with myself right now.  I feel like I am status quo, and that is unacceptable.  I have found myself stressed, impatient and unhappy.  I have no reason for these things.  God has poured out His blessings in amazing ways over the past year.  So why do I feel like this?

I laid there the other night thinking about the kind of woman I am and the kind of woman I want to be.  I want to be patient, gentle and consistent with my children.  I want to be a constant source of encouragement and support for my husband.  I want my home to be open to those in need.  I want to utilize my spiritual gifts in the way God desires.  I want to be the Proverbs 31 woman.  And I try to do all of that.  So where is the disconnect?  Because I try.  The passage in Proverbs 31 is not a "to-do" list.  That passage is simply a list of characteristics that are an outgrowth of a godly woman.  It is similar to another famous passage found in Galatians 5:23-23.  The fruit of the Spirit passage.  Neither of these passages are meant to be a list that we try to check off each day.  It should be natural.  A simple out pouring of what is happening in our own hearts.  In my heart.

I got caught up in trying to "do" the Christian life.  Partially because of all the blessings God has poured out on me, I felt as though I needed to then live up to a certain ideal.  If God was going to bless me with a wonderful husband, I, of course, needed to be a perfect wife.  Since God had given the opportunity to stay home with my children and homeschool them, then I had to be the best, most efficient and most creative teacher/mom ever!  Because God had blessed me with a home in which and from which I could minister, then my home must be kept ready for ministry at all times.  I translated that as in keeping it perfectly clean.  Trying to be everything that I felt I was supposed to be absolutely exhausted me.  I was trying to do what I thought was expected of me.  I was trying to please everyone and to be everything I "should" be.  How did that work out for me?  Stress, exhaustion, overwhelming anxiety and so on and so on.  When things started to crack, I kept that smile on my face and just tried harder.  I wanted to have the appearance of a perfect life.  A perfect marriage, perfect children, and a perfect home.  Was I more concerned about how my children looked and behaved at church than what they were gleaning from the Word?  Was I more concerned about keeping a perfect home to minister to others that I neglected to minister to my own family?  Was I so anxious about appearing to have a perfect marriage that I listened to others more than my own husband?

As I laid there in bed contemplating how I saw myself falling short, I started talking it through with my husband.  Saying it all out loud made me realize how many times I said "I, me and my".  I was trying to do it all on my own strength.  I had turned Proverbs 31 into a "to-do" list.  I realized that the reason I was unable to please everyone all the time (besides the utter impossibility of that) was that I was working to please the wrong person.  My eyes were on all those around me.  I watched and listened to all the people in my life and I tried to conform to what I felt they wanted me to be.  But what does Romans 12:2 say?  Does it say to conform to a certain mold that I make for myself or that others make for me?  Not at all.  I love the way the NLT puts it.  It says, "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I needed to stop trying to "do" the Christian life.  I needed to simply focus my eyes on Christ alone.  I had put all the focus on myself.  What foolishness!  When I focus on Him, He will teach me to walk in His ways.  He will guide me as I try to train my children.  He will open my eyes to new ways I can serve and help my husband.  He will give me the opportunities to minister.  Does this mean that I need to keep my house perfectly clean?  No.  Does it mean that as an outgrowth of my desire to honor God with my time that I will try to run my house efficiently?  Yes.  But in His strength.  Not mine.  Does it mean that I ignore the day to day dealings of life in some holier-than-thou pursuit?  Not at all.  But I can allow Him to guide me in the little day to day things.

I will never be perfect, no matter how hard I try.  I can serve a perfect God, though.  He will lead me and direct me.  Psalm 37:4 says, "Commit everything you do to the Lord.  Trust Him, and He will help you."  Psalm 119:37 states, "Turn my eyes from worthless things and give me life through Your Word."  I need to let Him set my priorities.  I need to allow Him to lead me through each day.  If He is my focus, He will not let me miss the important things.  If He fills my heart, His love, patience, joy and strength will naturally flow from it.  After all, Psalm 46:10a says, "Cease striving and know that I am God."

Fighting my Jonah

Something happened on Tuesday and it is still haunting me.  After going through our RACK experience, I was determined that I would always look for ways to help random strangers when given the chance.  Tuesday I blew it.  And it is still bothering me.  Greatly. 
Tuesday I had an appointment with my doctor (new year, new check-ups!).  There seems to be this new law that when you arrive for an appointment you need to show your current insurance card and your driver's license.  I have run into this over the past year in a couple different situations so I'm guessing someone passed a law.  Anyway, I signed in at my doctor's office, fiddled through the magazine rack to find something (that was not from 16 years ago and would hold my interest and yet not be offensive) and then settled into my chair.  I buried my head into some random home magazine and I tried not to be annoyed with the rather loud cell phone conversation a woman was having across the typically quiet waiting room.  Then a rather weary looking older woman came into the office and began the process of signing in.  She signed some paperwork and was trying to tell the lady at the desk something about being horribly sick, but she kept being interrupted with more instructions and paperwork.  She stepped to the side, went through the paperwork and then went back up to the window.  At this point the office worker requested her ID and her insurance card.  The woman answered that she had been so sick and so out of it, she had forgotten them at home.  I could hear the desperation in her voice.  She sounded so very weary.  Exhausted really.  The office worker politely, but matter-of-factly stated their policy and suggested that the woman have someone bring her information to the office for her.  The woman replied that her husband could not drive and there was no one else.  The office worker then informed her that her appointment would have to be rescheduled.  I heard in the woman's voice tears as she responded that she had waited weeks to get this appointment.  By now the rest of the workers in the office had their attention on the woman.  She just kept saying how very sick she was.  My heart started to break for this woman.  
Now, I understand the policy, I do, but I think all of us have had those days when we just don't feel like we can handle any more.  It is rare that I get horribly sick (beyond the typical chest cold and stomach flu stuff), but I know the utter exhaustion that comes from being that sick, but still having to continue on.  I also understand the frustration of having to wait for an appointment for far too long and feeling like nothing should stand in your way of having that appointment.  I understood her disappointment.
The woman's shoulders sunk as she rescheduled her appointment.  She quickly gathered her belongings and walked out of the office and down the hall.  Thanks to the glass front of this particular office, I could still see her down the hall.  She dropped her things into a chair and although still standing, hunched over with her hands covering her face.  She was crying.  Really crying.  At that moment, something in me said, "Go to her.  Reach out to her."  I started arguing with myself.  What if I left the office and they called my name?  I could miss my appointment.  What could I really do for her anyway?  I couldn't get her licence and insurance card for her.  What good could I be?  "You could simply go and pray with her.  Reach out to her.  Let her know that someone cares.  That she is not alone."  I continued to argue with myself.  No really, I was arguing with the Holy Spirit, and I knew it.  
I watched as the woman tried to compose herself, wipe her face with her hands and gather her things.  She walked towards the elevator.  She pushed the button and as she waited, her composure briefly slipped and a few sobs came out.  I felt glued to my chair.  She was leaving, there was nothing I could do now.  "You could take the stairs and meet her at the elevator downstairs."  True, the stairs were right next to the office and I had taken them up.  It would be very quick and easy to meet her.  But that would be weird.  She would think that I was creepy, coming after her like that, right?  I did nothing.  I watched as she stepped on the elevator and as the elevator doors closed.  She was gone.
I knew, I knew, that I had missed an opportunity.  I knew that my pride, my comfort, my potential embarrassment, kept me from doing something that I should have done.  I knew that the Holy Spirit was leading me to reach out to that woman for whatever reason and I clearly said no.  I was wrong and she was gone.  I lost that opportunity and I will never get a chance to reach out to that woman again.  I said a prayer for her.  I could do that.  I prayed that God would somehow encourage her.  Oh.  Yeah.  He tried to encourage her, through me.
That was Tuesday.  I kept thinking of her throughout the day and into the next day.  Then Wednesday night at our mid-week prayer meeting our pastor gave a little devotional out of Acts 8.  He spoke about how when God leads us to do something, we can either say no, hesitate and argue (another way of saying no) or we can say yes.  In verse 26 an angel directs Philip to "go south".  The first words of first 27?  "So he did".  Philip didn't question, he went.  No doubts, no hesitation, no "Why?".  He just went.  He went and he ended up ministering to one person.  One person that God directed Philip to meet.  
On Tuesday, I was far from being Philip.  I was much more of a Jonah.  Now, I don't know what happened to that woman.  Maybe God led someone else (someone more Philip-like) to this woman.  Maybe someone was even there in the parking lot for all I know.  But I missed an opportunity that God gave me.  God is capable of using anyone (and anything for that matter) to do His work.  It is a privilege that God would consider using me to encourage another.  I thought I learned that.  Wasn't that the whole RACK thing?  I had this stuff down, right?  No.  When it was not something I had planned, that I had purposed to do, I failed.
That was Tuesday.  This is Friday and I am still haunted by my missed opportunity.  I am still rehashing what I should have done.  Not that I am beating myself up over it, but I am convicted.  Convicted that not only did I clearly say "No", but that I didn't seem to value the privilege it is to be used by God in even "minor" ways.  If I can't say an emphatic "Yes!" every time the Lord asks something small of me, how do I expect to say yes in the bigger things?
I cannot go back and fix Tuesday.  That moment, that opportunity, that privilege, is gone.  However, I can determine to fight my Jonah tendencies and try to embrace more of the Philip that God desires for me.  He will never give me more than I can handle.  He will present the opportunities and He will give me everything I need to follow His will.  I just have to say yes.  No hesitation.  No arguing.  Just yes.

The Dough of 2011

I forgot it was the new year.  I jumped out of bed this morning (after my alarm went off for the 3rd time) once I realized all I needed to get done in the first few hours I was out of bed.  I had to start my husband's work laundry (being from the farm it all soaks in the washer for at least 10 hours), get the meat out to thaw for today's dinner, wrap two presents (hubby's family is celebrating Christmas today), wash dishes (I was exhausted last night and we somehow ran out of hot, even warm, water last night!) and prepare the dough to make 3 loaves of bread.  The bread was the most critical one.  With all the rising and falling and rising again that it needs to go through, I had to have that dough made by 5am.  I got it done by 5:02.  Close enough!
As you can tell, I had no time to waste when I got up.  I got crackin' on my list and was bustling around the kitchen for almost an hour when all of a sudden it hit me that it was now 2012!  I felt like I should be very contemplative at that moment, but my mind just jumped on to the next thing.
Now that I have a moment in between my "to-dos" I can think back.  It has been a year of tremendous joys, but there has been great heartache mixed in as well.  As I look at it all now, I can't help but compare it to the bread dough I made this morning.  The dough that is rising on the dining table right now is mainly composed of flour.  That's just the day to day moments that fill the majority of our time.  There is also a smidge of salt.  Now, I don't know that too many people would want to just dig into a bowl of salt.  It would horribly dry up your mouth and could even feel like it was burning your throat going down.  The salt I could say, would be the heartaches of this past year.  On it's own it may not be pleasant or something we desire, but God allows those heartaches to season our year.  The yeast is an easy one.  That would be the great joys of this year.  There were only a few events (our wedding, the birth of two babies, etc . . .) that would be considered great joys, but it greatly changes the rest of the year.  As just a little yeast permeates the entire loaf of bread and makes it all rise, so even a few great joys sprinkled throughout the year creates joy in our day to day to make it a joy-filled year.  The last thing I add is water.  Without the water there is just a bowl up of differing ingredients that although they are mixed together, they create absolutely nothing useful or of beauty.  The water works all things together to create something good.  Remind you of anything?  "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28.  God is the water.  God through His Holy Spirit and His Holy Word, work in our lives to take all the events and moments to create something good.  When we rely on Him, when we allow Him to work in us and to shape our perspectives, wants and desires, He alone can make it all work.  He gets us through the heartaches.  He brings tremendous moments of joy to our lives.  He sustains us in our day to day with the very air we breath.  Without Him, this past year would be a useless bowl of dry mix good for nothing at all.  With Him, this year has been a great creation of blessing that when it goes down, is warm and soothing to the soul.  Only God can mix just the right amount of each ingredient and give it just the right amount of "rises and falls" to make something useful out of our lives.  And every loaf of bread is a little different.  They all have different seasonings and can be made into a variety of shapes.  But He knows what we need when we need it.  If we allow Him, He will make us good, whether it's a light french bread or a hearty sourdough.
As I head into 2012, I pray that I continue to let God be the creator of all things beautiful, good and useful in my life.  I pray that while I relish the joy He brings, I also allow Him to add the salt when needed, knowing that He will never add too much, and that He will work it all together for good.

My New Year's Resolution ~ starting Dec. 29th

I'm not a big fan of New Year's resolutions.  It seems to just give people an excuse to put off changes they know need to be made until the "magical" hour.  Plus, most of the time the resolutions are too grand and lofty without any practicality and don't seem to stick much past February.  However, I do think that anything that causes you to reflect on your life and areas that you need to improve is definitely a good thing.  
One of the things God has been laying on my heart lately is the 24 hours He allots to me each day.  Every morning I get a fresh start and approximately 16 hours (give or take depending on sleep schedules) to do with whatever I please.  Some days I am more efficient than others.  There is not one day that I can claim that I am perfectly efficient.  Each day I waste some of the precious time God has given me.  
Lately, I have become more aware how 10 minutes here and 10 minutes there can so quickly add up to hours lost.  Now please understand, I am all for down time and getting sufficient rest (even if that means a nap when needed).  I'm not talking about scheduling every moment of every day.  That is just as bad in my opinion.  What I am talking about, is making the moments count and being wise in my use of time.  There are so many time wasters in our home.  Between the phone, the computer and TV, there is always something that calls to pull my attention from what matters even for "just a minute".  There are days when those "minute" interruptions turn into half an hour or even more!  And that time adds up to more and more till the end of the week and I'm left frustrated because I didn't get everything done that I should have and tired/exhausted because I didn't get enough sleep.  It shames me to even say that, but it's honest.  
The past month has been worse.  I can try to blame it on the holidays, but in reality, I have just let things slide.  I am usually a religious list maker.  My dad (who successfully ran his own business for 30 years) was an avid list maker.  I remember as a child in elementary school being asked by my dad what was on my "punch list" for the day.  I thought it was so odd then, but now I see the tremendous value to it.  Every day I saw his list sitting on the kitchen table.  What a great example he left me!  That being said, I haven't made a to do list in about 2 weeks!  That might not seem like a big deal to some, but for me, that means that I'm not getting much done.  If I don't have a goal set in front of me when I start the day, it is way too easy to flit and float through the day and not accomplish half of what I could be doing.  Well, today that changes.  I'm not going to wait till the magical January 1st.  I have already made my list and have started crossing things off (what glorious satisfaction there is in crossing things off!).  I am determined to honor God with my time.  To put Him first in all I do includes how I manage my day.  If I have planned ahead, I can be more efficient and therefore offer something better to my God, my husband and my children.  In this simple way, I can be a better wife and mother, and isn't that the goal for which I am always striving?
So I will finish this post and cross off another item on my to do list.  At the end of the day, hopefully my list is complete.  But even if there are a couple of items left till tomorrow's list, I can be satisfied that I made a plan, accomplished much, and utilized my time wisely.

RACK ~ conclusion?

I guess we are officially done with RACK (Random Acts of Christmas Kindness).  I have blogged our journey here and I'm sure I will go back and reminisce from time to time.  I have to say that when we pulled away from our last RACK yesterday, as happy as I was for what we had just done, there was a bit of sadness.  I have loved this journey.  My children have loved this journey.  It has been so fun to discuss our RACKs around the dinner table at night.  It has been amazing to watch how God has worked.  To see Him so clearly direct us to certain people and specific circumstances has been an unrivaled joy.  I have watched this journey transform me and my children.  God has led us to pray for perfect strangers; to look well beyond ourselves and our little lives; to maybe for a moment in the smallest of ways, to see the world as He sees it.  We actually pay attention more to those bustling around us.  Even while I am driving, I wonder what the person in front of me or behind me is dealing with in their life.  Are they in a state of pure joy?  Or are they in the deepest well of depression?  Are they numbingly stumbling through their life looking for a purpose?  I feel like I am beginning to see people.  Not just bodies moving all around me, but real people.  To look past the uniform of our mail carrier, delivery person, cashier, server, utility worker and garbage collector and see the face, the person, the soul standing before me.  This has affected all of us.  My children seek out ways to help and to be an encouragement.  This journey has opened their eyes to see beyond the four walls of their rooms and their needs and desires.  I don't want that to end.  I don't want to lose what we have learned.
I understand that we can always do Random Acts of Kindness anytime, any season.  However, this has been such a joy to set out purposefully each day seeking the one that God has for us to bless.  I am fearful that without that express purpose, I will slip back into my own little world and I will miss opportunities God places in my path.  This is going to be something that I commit to prayer.  I will have to work to keep my heart in tuned with God's heart.  I will have to focus on listening to the Holy Spirit's still small voice in the busyness of our every day lives.  I want this RACK journey to simply be a beginning point for our family.
When we started down this path, I had no idea where it would lead.  It wasn't always easy.  We dealt with sick kids, busy lives, changing circumstances and even rejection.  Several times we tried to RACK someone and they rejected it.  We offered coffee to someone ringing a Salvation Army bell and we were turned down.  We offered to buy a couple different cashiers gum or a snack or a drink to no avail.  We offered to return a cart for a store employee.  I tried to give hot cocoa to some men working on our house but by the time I got the cocoa ready, they were done and gone!  Not to mention the times that we had the best laid plans that completely fell through (I cannot tell you how many times I tried to catch a delivery person to give them a little something but I failed.  They move awful quick in this busy season!).  However, all those "failures" just makes me more determined to reach another one (One of these days, I WILL snag a delivery person and genuinely thank them for hauling around all those packages day after day!).  It also makes me realize that God is in control of this all.  If I am listening to Him, He will always put the right person in my path to which I can minister.  If I am in tune with Him, He will lead me.  I just have to make sure that no matter how "loud" my life gets, I can still hear that still, small voice.  I also can't wait for my daughter's birthday (the next birthday in our family) when we will have an excuse to purposefully set out to do more Random Acts of Kindness.
All in all, this journey has humbled me, encouraged me, overwhelmed me, inspired me, blessed me, taught me and changed me.  What a great way to end a year!  For those of you that have followed us through this journey, I thank you for your words of encouragement and your prayers.  It has been a beautiful walk.  I can't wait to see what 2012 holds for this little family!

RACK 13,14 & 15!

We've been busy and I haven't had a chance to catch up the blog.  I will fill you in on what we have been doing! For RACK 13 we gave a family that has a foster daughter with gluten allergies a basket filled with bulk gluten free baking supplies.  I included directions as to how to mix the different flours and one of my favorite gluten free recipes.
For RACK 14 we paid for a man's breakfast order behind us in line at McDonald's.  I could see him having quite a discussion with cashier.  He must have been so very confused as to why someone he didn't know was paying for his breakfast.  
For RACK 15 we took hot cocoa took a family that was ringing the Salvation Army bell at our local grocery store.  They were so thrilled!  It was so neat to see these giant smiles break out across their faces.
My aunt was gracious enough to give us these tracts/little booklets that give the full Gospel message.  We have been handing those out with our RACK cards.  We continue to pray daily for those we RACK.  It's so fun to wonder how God may use these little acts of kindness.  Just think, what if even one person we RACK comes to know the Lord through this.  They then have a whole new circle of influence that I would never be able to reach otherwise.  Their family, friends, neighbors, who knows!  And that's just one person!  It's so neat to think about this.  Even on the crazy busy days, this is what keeps us going.

RACK day 12 ~ "Awesome!"

Another super fun anonymous one!  I had to do some grocery shopping yesterday afternoon and we typically go to our Aldi store in Elyria.  Yesterday though, I needed to pick up some craft supply things and that is in Amherst.  So in the interest of two birds, one stone, we headed to the Amherst Aldi.  Our initial plan was to stick quarters in a bunch of the carts, but when I tried to go to the bank, they were closed (who closes in the middle of the day on Monday when it's NOT a holiday?).  Humph!  The kids were disappointed but I filled them in on a possible Plan B.  We would get a gift certificate while we were at Aldi and give it to someone we felt was in need.  We got the certificate (it wasn't much, but you don't need a lot to get a good amount of food at Aldi), but we couldn't really find someone we felt we needed to give it to.  I was about to give up.  I thought that I could just hang on to it and take it with me the next time I went to Aldi.  I went to return the cart and I noticed an elderly man getting his cart.  He walked slowly, with a cane, but he came prepared with his reusable Aldi bags.  I went up to him, handed him the RACK card and the gift certificate.  I told him that this was a gift certificate to use in the store.  He looked up at me with absolute shock.  He started to question me and I simply said, "Merry Christmas!"  I put my cart away and he was still standing there reading the RACK card and still in shock.  He started to question me again, and again I simply wished him a Merry Christmas.  I had to walk away quickly as I was both wanting to burst into gleeful laughter and cry at the same time!
Right as I was giving him the gift certificate a woman was walking out of the store.  She noticed what I had done.  As I made my way back to my car, I passed her and she said to me, "That was awesome!"  She wasn't parked very far from me, so I got another RACK card out of my car.  I walked over and handed it to her and told her that this would explain what my family was doing this Christmas season.  I wished her a Merry Christmas and started back to my car.  She immediately started reading the card.  When I was about to get in the car, this lady raised the card over her head and shouted, "THIS IS AWESOME!"  The kids just loved that!  
As we pulled out of the parking lot, we all had smiles just bursting on our faces.  Michael thought it was so cool that we RACKed two people at the same time.  Two different people were able to see the love of Christ and were left with a message and verse that might help bring them to salvation.  Isabella quickly disagreed with her brother though.  She said, "We've RACK'd WAY more than two people!  How many people have we RACK'd, Mom?"  To which I could answer thirteen.  That sent the kids into a bit of a tizzy.  (Yes, this is deliriously fun!)  They started talking about all the people that we have tried to minister to and wondering how this could change their lives.  They talked about how we need to pray for them.  They asked if we could do this all year long.  I talked to them about how we need to look for ways to be a blessing to others in our everyday life.  Even in the small things.  I also told them about The Birthday Project and told them that I wanted to do that for my birthday in July, but that we could do it for their birthdays, too.  They were so excited!
We are only half-way through this journey, and yet I feel as though we have been incredibly and richly blessed.  I love that this is changing my children's perspective from all the "getting" of Christmas, to the giving of Christmas.  I love that my children are so anxious to pray (sometimes fighting over who gets to go first) for those that we have RACK'd.  I love that they are looking for ways to bless people and their focus is slowly turning a little more off of themselves and more onto the needs of people.  I'll give an example (and I'll try not to brag).  Sunday night after the RACK we did for our church, my husband and I had choir practice.   As we practiced I observed my ten year old son performing a RACK of his own.  If you read the previous post, RACK day 11 ~ Phew!, you know the current circumstances with which we are dealing regarding our church building.  You will also know the great amount of work that has to be done every Sunday morning and every Sunday night.  Anyway, Michael started helping out with all the clean-up.  He likes to work and just about every Sunday evening he tries to help out our pastors and a couple other people that stay later to clean up.  He absolutely outdid himself last Sunday.  He helped put away chairs and tables, he swept the floor, he emptied the trash cans and took the bags to the dumpster (plus he put new bags in the trash cans, something I have to remind him to do at home all the time.  Hmm?), he packed up all the food stuff that we brought and took most of it to the car (he wasn't allowed to carry the one fruit basket because it was heavy and the basket was a bit weak), he vacuumed the hallway, he helped take hymnals out to the church van, etc, etc, etc!  I was just beaming to watch him do all these things, without being told.  I was so very, very proud.  I couldn't help but think that part of that is due to our RACK journey.  It is a journey.  This has gone so far beyond a project that has a definite completion.  This is a journey that we have started and I pray that we can continue these things in our day to day well beyond just Christmas and our birthdays.  We are called to be servants, not self-serving, "I'm in rush and have important things to do", push others aside type of people.  Be cautious that you don't get so involved in "organized" ministry that you overlook the little things (and people) God puts in your path that He wants you to bless.  Every person you meet, God has ordained for you to be there at that time, with that person.  This makes me think of three things:
               1) A quote that I saw at a friend's house that reads, "A man too busy to pray is a man that is busier than God wants him to be."
               2) Another friend of mine owns his own business and as busy as he is from time to time, he consistently looks for ways to minister and witness to and pray for those that he interacts with on a day to day basis.  It is humbling and convicting to hear him talk sometimes.  
               3) What is becoming kind of our "theme" verse for this journey, James 2:15-17 "If a brother or a sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, 'Go in peace, be warmed and filled,' without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?"  I can't fix the world.  I can't give every homeless person a home.  I can't reach across the entire world and share the Gospel.  What I can do though, is to support ministries that are doing these things.  And I can try to reach the ones in my little world in Wellington, Ohio.  Mother Teresa is credited as saying, "If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one."  Pray that God open your eyes today to some small way you bless those that come across your path.
Have a blessed and Merry Christmas and keep checking back to see how God is working!

RACK day 11 ~ phew!

This one was A LOT of work, but oh, so worth it!  This one also requires some serious background info, but I will try to pack it into a nutshell!
We have a big beautiful church building that is only about a decade old.  Seriously, beautiful.  It's not all ornate or anything, but it has a simple beauty.  I love it.  However, lurking underneath all that beauty was the ugliest of the ugly:  mold.  Not just a little mold, but lots of mold spread all throughout the church.  A couple months ago, we abandoned this building for work to begin (we had already closed off the areas where mold was visible while we planned to move out).  Now we are the gypsy church.  For the most part we meet  in the local town hall, although we have met at a building at our local Fair Grounds, we have met in the church's maintenance building (not heated, not so much fun!) and even in homes.  It's really been very interesting.  At the town hall, we sit in folding metal chairs in a room with linoleum floors (hello acoustics?) and we have to break down our church every Sunday night.  We haul music stands, hymnals, a keyboard and stand, sound system, etc, each week to and from.  It can be quite an undertaking. We don't even know exactly when we will be able to get back into our church as the mold situation was discovered to be much more extensive than was originally thought once the workers started tearing into the walls.  :(   It's been difficult and discouraging, but we are confident that God sent this to us for a reason.  It has pushed us out of our comfort zone and has forced us to take stock in different things.  Our pastors and secretary have moved their offices to a trailer in the parking lot.  We think it's difficult for us on a Sunday morning because we have to sit in metal chairs (that may or may not be in our "usual" seats), but those that work day in and day out for our church are crammed in a tiny, chilly trailer.  All this to say, it's been quite a journey.
Now, add to this that this Sunday after evening service we were to have a business meeting.  Now I have to throw in a little disclaimer here; business meetings are necessary, but I doubt anyone would characterize them as fun.  However, the members of our church deal with each other in love and genuine respect, even if there is a disagreement.  I hear horror stories about church meetings getting out of hand and people yelling at (and sometimes even hitting) each other.  That is not at ALL our church's experience.  After the business meeting, we still had ensemble rehearsal and choir practice (Christmas season, ya know!).  It was going to be a long evening.  That is the background in a nutshell!
So, that led me to ponder RACKing our whole church, which we did!  I got to baking and the kiddos got to planning.  What we ended up with was providing snacks after the evening service just before the business meeting.  I made 5 different kinds of muffins.  That's lots of muffins!  We took apples, clementines and grapes.  We took fruit snacks (can you see the kids' influence here at all?), chocolate covered pretzels and mini candy canes.  It was definitely not enough for someone's meal, but a nice little snack to tide over a hungry soul.  We also brought napkins and little dessert plates.  It was great!  I had spoken to one of the pastors about doing this and he agreed to meet us a little early so we could set up.  We put all the food out and then covered it with a tablecloth (we didn't want any little fingers to be tempted to start snacking before church even began!) until the time was right.  I had also asked that our pastor not announce who provided the goodies when he announced that the goodies were there for the taking.  Yes, I have given up on remaining truly anonymous (lesson learned.  Public blogging pretty much takes that away!), but I absolutely did not want last night to be about people saying thank you to us or anything else.  It was about the people of our church enjoying a little blessing and giving us a chance to fellowship a bit more.
So after the message, our pastor announced that we would take a quick stretch break and then start the business meeting.  He then told everyone that refreshments had been provided.  We uncovered the table and people immediately started lining up.  My husband and I sat back and just watched as people munched and talked with each other.  It was something so unexpected that even though it wasn't much, it was a blessing.  I simply loved it.  And can I tell you what else I loved?  We didn't have a bunch of people running up to say "thank you".  It was not known (save a handful of people) who provided it.  I loved being able to enjoy the giving without anticipating the gratitude in return.  It was a sweet moment.  Once pretty much everyone had gone through, my hubby and I went and got our goodies.  It was great.  By the time everything was over, we took home some clementines.  That was it!  Everything else had been devoured!
On the way home (we didn't get home to close to 10pm and I was seriously exhausted.  I had been up since 1:30am!), my husband pointed out that we could not have done this if we were in our big beautiful building.  In our church building, we have our business meetings in the sanctuary.  Any food activity is in the fellowship hall (linoleum floors, kitchen, etc).  It would have been very difficult to get everyone to go get food and then try to get everyone back into the sanctuary (after the food was eaten) to start the meeting.  Since our current place of worship IS a hall, people could get their food and take it back to their seats.  Yes, we conducted our meeting while people were nibbling and munching (not the ones speaking, mind you).  I love my husband.  As much as I had enjoyed that moment, he brought out a little special observance of which I had not even considered.  All in all, it was a wonderful night!
Now, for a little side note!  Last night I was actually dreaming of RACKing people.  I won't bore you with all the details, but this is evidently ingrained in my little head now!  I woke up smiling ~ and that's never a bad thing!  Have a blessed day and look around for ways you can bless others throughout your day!

RACK day 9

Yes!  Another anonymous RACK!  We took the kiddos out to eat (their favorite Chinese place and we haven't been there in quite a while!) before going to look at Christmas lights.  My husband was done with work (side note: being a dairy farmer your never really done with work.  He was relieved by another worker who took over the milking so my husband could be with the family.) earlier than usual so we were able to get out to the restaurant a little before the typical dinner hour.  We sat down and there were only a couple other tables with patrons there.  Soon enough, the restaurant completely filled up.  We had one amazing waitress.  She was quick, efficient and friendly.  I love having a good server.  I also strongly believe that if you are going out to eat, you need to plan for a tip.  Not just a bare minimum 15%, but the ability to leave a generous tip.  I have never been a waitress, but I think they deserve to be treated with respect and paid appropriately for their service.  The waitress we had for dinner was exceptional.  Early on in I asked my husband if we could RACK her.  We had not RACK'd anyone yet and our waitress seemed to be a perfect "target".  As the dinner went on, I quickly saw what a great waitress she was.  When it was time to pay the bill, I tried to discreetly pull out on of our RACK cards from my purse.  I folded the card in half and tucked a large tip inside.  I have no idea what was going on in this girl's life, but I do pray that she was blessed.  I love this stuff! :)

RACK day 8

Our eighth RACK was fun!  One of the beautiful things about this time of the year is the arrival of yummy seasonal goodies.  One of which is Peppermint Mocha.  Yes, Peppermint Mocha is the sparkly glitter that perfectly compliments this season.  It gives you that caffeine boost in the midst of the busy hustle and bustle yet the sweet aroma is enough to slow the whole world down for just a moment.  Ahhhhh . . . .!  Yes, I am a fan.  :)
Anyway (back to RACK), we picked up some Peppermint Mochas and dropped them off at my salon.  The girls there are so sweet and truly kind.  The owner, Patti, is my stylist and she is an absolute gem!  I don't just get a pedicure or a hair cut.  It is a chance to connect and rejuvenate.  Since we live in a small town, I see these ladies periodically out and about as well.  They are sweet hardworking ladies.  So, they made our RACK list.  I took my favorite holiday beverage to my favorite stylists!  The kids were so excited to walk in with all these Peppermint Mochas.  They were also excited because I let them have Peppermint Hot Cocoas for the first time, too!  When Isabella handed Patti the RACK card, she smiled and laughed.  She also had been following my facebook and blog posts.  It was a small RACK, but it still brought smiles and a blessing to someone not expecting it!  I love this stuff!  Back to anonymous RACKing tomorrow.
Oh, and since I love this salon so much, I'll put a little plug in for them!  See the link to view their site to get details about one of my favorite places!  The Grand Strand Salon and Spa

RACK day 7 ~ biggest one

I am not quite sure how to title this post.  It is about our 7th RACK and it was the "largest" of all our RACKs, but it has turned into so much more.  Before I dive in, I will give some background.  This is the RACK that I have been so excited about.  We decided to "adopt" a family from our church.  I thought long and hard about this.  I enjoy giving to perfect strangers (it is so unexpected for them!), but I view our church as our family.  I love our church family.  They have been there for me in so many ways exactly like (or more so) as a biological family.  There is bond between us that we share because we are brothers and sisters in Christ.  One of the things that hooked me on committing to our church was their mid-week prayer meeting.  Granted, the attendance is not what I would love to see, but those that are there are involved in something far beyond themselves.  To a casual observer, it probably doesn't look like much.  But to me, even when I had first started attending, I see so much more.  I see men, women and children taking time out of their week to come together to share in the joys and burdens of others.  Our pastor leads us in a short devotional each week and then we go over our prayer guide (simply a sheet of paper with praises and requests given to our church staff throughout the week).  We then have a time for any updates and any new requests.  We then break up into small groups (men with men and women with women usually) and spend time praying.  A few men that attend will physically get down on their knees while they pray.  Again, it may not seem like much, but there is something so powerful happening there.
First, I am always keenly aware that in many, many countries around the world to meet like this is simply not possible.  To be found meeting this way to speak of God (not a god, but the One True God, our Lord Jesus Christ) is punishable by jail (sometimes lifelong) or even death.  I am so very blessed to live in a country where I have no fear of such things.
Second, it is a much more personal, intimate setting.  While you may not have the opportunity (or feel comfortable) to share a personal request on a Sunday morning or night with the entire congregation, here you have a small group of believers dedicated to lifting each other before the throne of God.  There is nothing more powerful one believer can do for another.  Never lose sight of that!
Third, attending this meeting allows me to learn of practical ways to help each other out.  Sometimes it is sending a card or note in the mail to someone that may need encouragement.  Sometimes it is passing on clothing to a family with children that has suffered a tragedy or is simply having a hard time making ends meet.  Sometimes it is taking a meal to a family that is struggling with health issues or is simply in one of those stages in life when things can seem overwhelming.  It can be so many things.
This mid-week meeting embodies the spirit of a church family.  In a family there are good times and difficult times.  I certainly do not always agree with everyone in our family and there can be hurt feelings at times.  However, that is part of what makes us family.  We stick together, we work it out, we ask for forgiveness and above all, we never stop loving each other.  Because of that, I wanted to be sure to reach out to our church family in a practical way while we did our RACK.  Due to the size of our church, I cannot possibly be aware of every family that may need encouragement or that is struggling.  For this I enlisted our pastors' help.  I asked them if they could possibly think of a family that was either needing encouragement or was simply struggling with physical needs.  I asked that not only our family remain anonymous, but that we not even know who we were "adopting".  Withing 24 hours they got back to me with some basic info.  I was thrilled and started working to put things together.  What we ended up doing was providing gift cards (one for groceries, one for gas and one for a local restaurant), chocolates (yes, I have to pass on my adoration of quality chocolates!) and a Christmas dinner (a ham, biscuits, green beans, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie and whipped topping) for the parents and for the child some little gifts and a gift card to pick out something special at the store.  My plan was to go early to church one Sunday and pass everything onto the pastors and let them pass it on to our family.  Then this Sunday my daughter was rather ill and I was stuck at home.  I had already burdened my dear husband with passing out all the Christmas cards/letters that I had gotten done by that point, so I didn't want to add anything more.  I figured that maybe we could try for next Sunday.  I was a bit disappointed, but it is what it is.  My husband and I talked about it more and he suggested that maybe I could just take it to the church office and maybe have them call the family and they could come pick it up.  I wasn't sure if it would work or not, so I called the office and spoke to our wonderful secretary.  She offered something even better.  She stated that she could take the gifts right to this family's home for us that evening!  Yes!!
When we took everything to the church office, I was about to just bubble over with joy.  I was so excited!  The next morning I checked my facebook account to discover this note on my wall, "We were RACKed today . . . This was such a blessing because we really have no family outside of our church family.  Being RACKed made us feel like we belong and are loved as a family.  Christmas can be a very lonely time for those with no family.  Many a joyful tear has been and will be shed over this."  Yup, not only did I know the family, but they were on facebook with me and following my blog posts about our whole RACK thing.  (I guess if I really wanted to stay anonymous I probably shouldn't be blogging the whole thing!)
This led me to really think and ponder for a bit.  Although I was disappointed about not remaining anonymous, I feel that God had His hand in all of it.  I'll give a little more background to explain.
Last November I was blessed to be living in a huge, beautiful farm house (one of these days I will blog about how God has provided in miraculous ways for my little family).  I was a single mom with two children trying to make ends meet.  I had moved into the house during the summer for what was supposed to be a short term stay until I could find something else.  The couple renting me the house told me that no one could afford to live there in the winter due to the house being old and large and it could be near impossible to keep heated.  My landlord had decided to install a wood burner to help offset the costs.  Sounds great right?  Except that I was a single mom that knew nothing about chopping wood.  Yeah, wood is needed to run a wood burner!  My wonderful church family stepped in for me yet again.  We had a "wood cutting party" at our house.  People came out of the woodwork (forgive the pun) to spend a cold day working exceptionally hard chopping and splitting enough wood to get me through the winter.  It was an amazing day of blessing!  I knew most of the people that came to my house that day except for one family.  They were still new to the church, but they were anxious to minister in any way they could.  I was so blessed by their presence.  Here they volunteered their time to come help out someone they didn't even know.  And this wasn't simply sending a card.  This was hard, difficult and demanding work in the middle of a cold November in Ohio.
Well, guess what!  This same family is the one that we ended up adopting.  Isn't God just so cool?  I love the way He works.  When I realized that I knew the family, I sent an email requesting their permission to blog about this particular RACK.  The email that was sent back pretty much sums up the beauty of a church family.    I will share some excerpts here:  "Please feel free to share this in your blog. There is no shame in perfect love and love is perfected through Christ Jesus and His directions through us.
I understand how your intentions to keep this in secret have caused you some angst. However, I truly feel His glory was in your heart and you wanted nothing more than to do His works with a humble and sincere love in submission to His will.
I think the world should have a clear vision of how we care for one another as one in the same body. There is so much in-fighting and back biting within the confines of American churches we need to make a stand to show the truth of how we should operate and what it is to follow Christ.The fellowship of the saints is one of the key factors that intrigues and allures the hearts of man into the union with the Creator. . . . It is amazing how God works and he brought our two families together like this. . . . Thank you for opening your heart to us, for the wonderful gifts and more so for loving the Lord. We feel so blessed to be loved by your family, by Camden and to be side by side in this time as we await the return of our Savior."

I don't even know what else I can say.  Here we are out to try to bless others, and I feel more blessed in return.  I am at a loss for words as to how God has worked.  This, this is why He calls us to be united with a community of believers.  This is God at work in the hearts of those that love Him and seek to honor Him.  This is love.

RACK day 6 ~ best one yet!

Today was definitely my favorite so far.  It wasn't even what I was planning for today.  We had to go to Walmart to get our oil changed and pick up a few miscellaneous items.  The store was actually not that busy.  When we got in line to checkout, there was one lady ahead of us.  After she was finished, a new cashier took over.  She looked young, but tired beyond her years.  There was a still sadness in her eyes.  She was tiny, but very pregnant.  I was buying a restaurant gift card for a friend and I added a Walmart gift card to our purchase.  Not much, but something.  When we had finished and were ready to go there was no one behind us in line so I slipped one of our RACK papers out of my purse (always prepared!) and handed it and the gift card to the cashier.  She looked at it and then at me in confusion.  I simply said, "Merry Christmas" and started walking away.  Shock took over her face as she looked down at the RACK paper in her hand.  She looked as though she may cry.  I hurried away (I was about to cry) and quietly explained to the kids that we had just RACK'd our cashier.  They thought it was pretty awesome.  So did I!  As we were pulling out of the parking lot, I reminded the kids that we need to pray for the people we RACK, especially this girl that we didn't even know, that they may come to know the Lord.  Isabella was quick to point out that she was pregnant and that maybe if she got saved, she could lead her baby (when older) to salvation too!  I was not planning this one, but as I stood there watching her scan items, with an emptiness in her eyes, I felt God was telling me that this was the one.  This was who He put in my path to be a blessing to today.  Let me just say, my heart sings a little wondering how God may use this small act.  If you think of it, pray for our "Walmart Lady" today.

RACK day 4 & 5

Since illness kept us in for day 4, we did two days in one today.  First, we left a note, a water bottle and a Malley's "survival kit" (a fabulous box of misc. chocolates and candies) for our mail carrier.  It was a dreary rainy day and we live on a busy road, so I didn't risk taking a picture.  :(
Our second RACK was to send a care package to a college student going through finals week.  We sent all sorts of goodies including chocolates, mac and cheese, Twizzlers, gum , pretzels and so on. When we went to our small town post office to mail the package, it was extremely busy.  This place is never that busy (they have a bell on the counter in case you come in and no one is there).  This just reiterates that taking goodies to our hard working postal workers is definitely on the RACK to do list!

Christmas letters ~ yay or nay?

On top of doing RACK, this weekend we were able to get our Christmas tree up, I got all the presents wrapped and I am just about done with Christmas letters. I'm still waiting on a few addresses. It feels so good to get this stuff done, almost. I really debated this year as to whether or not I would do a Christmas letter. It seems to be a fading tradition. I remember as a kid we would get tons of Christmas letters and they would be passed around for each member of the family to read. Yes, some of them were boring (usually just because they were friends of my parents and I didn't really know them), but it made me feel like I had some clue what was going on in people's lives. Especially relatives that maybe didn't live close or that we just didn't see as much as we would like. But now with social networking sites, we can stay connected so much easier than before. And quite frankly, fewer and fewer people even bother to send a Christmas card anymore. So I debated. It's a lot of work to do a letter and it costs money to print it out (ink is stinkin' expensive!). And I wondered if anyone would even care if I wrote a letter or not. Then I thought of those that I long to stay in contact with that are not on a social networking site. And I thought of how rare it is to get a real honest to goodness letter in the mail. And then I thought this is a way to minister to people as well. It's a chance for me to share a little bit of how my faith in Christ affects my day to day life. So call me old-fashioned (I prefer sentimental), but I thought I would give it a go. I wrote the letter and printed off a gazillion copies and started stuffing Christmas cards. Yes, most of the people getting the cards will already know what is in the letter. But, it still shows an effort to connect on my part. In a small way that I feel like I am telling those that receive the letter, "I value the relationship we have. You are not expendable to me in this 'unfriending' world. I care enough to update you in a more personal way and hope that you will keep me updated on your life as well." I hope it will not be seen as a waste of time and paper by people, but even if it is, I am still glad that I did it. People are important. And getting something personal in the mail is a small joy that often gets overlooked. In the midst of bills and the crazy materialistic push this season brings, I hope that for even a moment, someone I care about has a moment, an excuse, to stop and slow down. And maybe, just maybe, the verse in the letter or some words I wrote will be used by God to reach someone's heart. I pray for those that I send the letters to. I do. So I believe that it is worth the extra effort and the extra cost and the extra time.

Ahh. Now back to my busy day and seeking that fine balance of getting things done, caring for my family and keeping God and His Word in the forefront of my mind.

Rack day 3

Today I took the flowers that the kids and I picked out yesterday, a box of diapers and a small gift card to a new mother. When I got there she was sleeping, so I left everything with her husband. They were so appreciative! Yup, made my heart smile!

Now I have to put the finishing touches on tomorrow big RACK. This will be our first truly anonymous RACK. So far, everyone we RACK'd knew who we were. Tomorrow the recipients will have NO idea where this is coming from. This is what I love! I just love sitting back and seeing the joy on someone's face when someone they don't know reaches out to them.

I remember when I was in high school, I found out about a family that was struggling to provide basic needs for their kids. I had saved up some ministry money*(see note below) and I went to ALDI and bought several bags of groceries. I got a lot of the basics and some of the fun splurgey-type things. They had a cat too, so I purchased some cat food for them. I took everything over to their house and very quietly and cautiously set all the bags on their front porch. As soon as I was done, I rang the bell and sped away. I LOVED it!! Little did I know that many years later as a single mom, so many people would touch my life in the same sort of way. So many times I had no idea how I was going to pay my basic bills, and God ALWAYS provided. We never went hungry. There were times that the only meat we could afford was one pound of ground beef a week, but God is good. I never had any utilities shut off (came scary close a couple times) and we were always provided for. Many times, when things looked so bleak, someone would give us just what was needed. I will never forget one Sunday morning I sat in church clutching my tithe money. I was keenly aware that if I gave my tithe, I would not be able to buy groceries for my two children. Quite frankly, I was scared. However, I had made a commitment that my tithe always came first, no matter what. I had to trust that if I was faithful to God, He would provide. I put that money in the offering plate and although I knew it was what was right, I still had knots in my stomach. How am I going to feed my children. Honestly, I never heard much of the message that day. I spent that time pleading with God to please take care of us. I got home from church that day and sat my Bible down. Inside the front flap of my Bible was four times the amount of money that I gave in my tithe. I still get teary now just remembering how I felt. To this day, I have no idea who slipped that money in there and how on earth they did it without my knowing. I think that is why this kind of thing is so close to my heart. I always promised myself that one day, I would be on the giving end of things. And that is why I prefer to remain anonymous when I do this kind of thing. Of course, I don't even know who the recipients are for tomorrow's RACK. I'll explain more tomorrow. So crazy excited!

*Saving up "ministry" money is something that my aunt suggested that I do. I HIGHLY recommend doing this. It's money on top of your tithe that you set aside to use when you see a need. Please don't think that you should not give to your local church in order to do this. Your pastors, staff and the church ministries depend on our giving. This is just a little extra set aside for the specific purpose of filling a need when God lays something on your heart. It doesn't have to be much, just a little here and a little there. Even you loose change saved up can purchase a couple bags of groceries for someone. Just a thought!

James 2:15-17 "If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?"

In other words, put some feet and hands to that faith and love like Christ! Trust me, your joy will overflow in new and marvelous ways! :-)