Thursday, November 17, 2011

the heart (and gut) of the matter

Over the past 10 years or so I have struggled with my weight. Through high school and college I was one of those "naturally" thin girls. I was usually about a size 2 (before there was the size 0 epidemic) barely breaking 100 lbs. During college I had a roommate that became my exercise buddy. She was determined to lose weight, and I figured, "Why, not?". I had never done any serious exercise before, but I thought it might be good. We began running. Seriously running. Running 6-7 miles a day in the Adirondack Mountains. I loved it. I completely fell in love with running. It became an escape, a release. After college I joined a local gym where I worked out 7 days a week 2-3 hours a day. I gained weight, but it was from muscle. I was tone and the healthiest I had ever been in my life. I also worked as an aerobic instructor (yes, I was one of those perky annoying ones, too!). There were days that I would teach 5-6 1 hour classes a day. I loved it. I tell you all this so that it is understood that I have never been afraid to work hard and to sweat. Yet, here I am, so overweight that I don't think I could run even a mile. I won't go into all the details as to how I put on all the weight, but each year it was a little more. Last years clothes didn't fit anymore, so I just bought new ones.
Now I find myself staring at the scale and I am afraid, discouraged, disgusted and overwhelmed. This year alone I have gained more weight than I ever have in a year. I am at my highest ever. Even higher than when I was pregnant with my children. Yup, it's not good. I have no desire to be a size 2 again (I don't want to look like some desperate almost middle-aged mom trying to regain her "glory days"), but I do want to be healthy. I used to work for a home health care company and I quickly saw the difference extra body weight can make on the elderly and even just seniors. I don't want to do that to myself or my family. I want to be able to run and play with my children without getting winded.
Now, don't get me wrong, I want to look good, too! That is also a big motivation. I know that I could look so much better than I do now. I want to enjoy getting dressed in the morning again. I don't want to hate having to buy a pair of jeans because nothing covers the extra weight. Nothing. I don't care how it is cut or where they stick "slimming panels".
I am proud to say that I have started exercising again. I'm taking baby steps, as that is all I can handle. I found a "beginner's" plan on Pinterest (you can follow me here: and have been very faithful at doing it every morning for just over a month. It's been great. It's getting me in the habit of morning exercise, without overwhelming me, and it is building me up to more "serious" exercises. It's been great! However, I have actually gained a couple of pounds since starting. I don't get why. Maybe it's a psychological thing that if I'm exercising I deserve that little extra goodie. I don't know.
I am will continue to write about this from time to time and we will see where it leads. Hopefully, in another month or two, I will have positive results to report. We shall see. Stay tuned!
~~I have included the first step in the exercise plan I am doing for any interested.~~

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